Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
