You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
