I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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