apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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