gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
