I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
