This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
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