yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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