My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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