Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
