Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
it's like heaven, but drunker
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
