I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
