I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
