I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
