i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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