hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
there is glitter all over my balls
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
