I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
