I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
