i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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