There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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