I just saw a hot homeless man
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
