It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
