Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
