Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
NoShamevember. You game?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
