the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
