if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
