somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
