...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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