I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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