you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
