I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
