I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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