You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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