2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I am mentally ready for anal.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
