She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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