Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
