I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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