I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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