I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
