apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
