then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
