sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The feeling are messing with the penis
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Randomize
