found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
