Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
