Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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