if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Is it because I queefed?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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