I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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