Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Randomize
