Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
