oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
